His breathing became heavy. He had anticipated this moment, however it was still a surprise. He wanted this so badly, ever since he laid eyes upon her face. He had seen her in the same cafe, sitting at the same table for weeks. He chanced glances from the other side of the room, wondering what he would say to her if he’d gotten the opportunity. It’s not that he was shy, he just couldn’t quite muster the confidence to say hello. Who does that? Who goes up to a random woman in 2019 to say hi? If only he could get her social media information, then he could send her a DM.
It was his luck that she was in line with him, at the same time, right behind him. He picked up his coffee and sat at his table. He was about to take a sip when he noticed that she was standing over him.
“Excuse me, I THINK you might’ve gotten my drink from the pickup line.”
Miguel: “Oh really?” He looked at the cup. “You’re right, they gave me yours. Ashley is it?”
Ashley: “Yes, and you’re Miguel.”
Miguel: “How did you guess my name?”
Ashley held up the cup.
Miguel laughed. Ashley laughed. They both laughed.
That was 6 weeks ago. They now sat on his living room couch, making out while The Mandalorian played in the background. He cuffed one of her breasts. She didn’t pull away. He rubbed it some more. He was smooth. He was confident that this was gonna happen. Ashley was so hot, so sexy. He stopped kissing her momentarily to pull of her shirt. One of the buttons got caught in her hair.
Ashley: “OW!”
Miguel: “Sorry, Sorry!”
Ashley: “It’s ok. Don’t worry.”
She pulled off her shirt. Miguel tried to unhook her bra but had trouble with it. In fact, she was worried that he would break the latch.
Ashley: “Here let me.”
She easily removed her bra and exposed her 34 C cups. Miguel stared. He was so erect.
Miguel: “Wow, you have great boobs.”
Ashley laughed and thanked him. She expected him to suck on them, but his eyes remained fixated on them. He didn’t move.
Ashley: “Umm, Miguel?”
Miguel: “They’re so big. WOW!”
Ashley: “Come have a closer look then.”
Miguel: “They’re like…gorgeous sandbags. Or water balloons.”
Ashley: “Wait…what?”
Miguel: “Yeah, so huge. Wow.”
He placed his hands on her nipples and begin twisting them like radio knobs.
Ashley: “OUCH! What the fuck are you doing?”
Miguel: “Sorry.”
Ashley: “You know what, I’m gonna go. This isn’t what I had in mind.”
She quickly dressed and left. Miguel sat still and wondered what went wrong this time. This was the 4th time that this took place. His mood quickly shifted. He became angry with himself. He wanted to be better. He was no longer the Miguel that he was moments ago. He was someone else. Another of his 19 personalities. This time he was Claude. A french painter with an addiction to alcohol. During one of his binges, the bartender gave him a card. That card belonged to a married couple that specialized in mental health counseling. He read the card:
The Offices of Nolio LPC & Tish LMHC
555-555-5555
He called the number. He didn’t expect it to ring since it was so late in the evening.
Nolio: “Hello?”
Melvin (Claude): “Yes, I got your card from someone. I would like to schedule an appointment. I’m…I’m having trouble with women. I have a condition. Me and my other personalities…”
Nolio: “Ok. Why don’t you stop by the office tomorrow morning at 10am. I have an open morning.”
Melvin: “That would be great.”
In the background
Honeyyyyyy, I’m ready for Round 4. Come onnnnnn.
Nolio: “I gotta go. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Nolio hung up the phone and grabbed a bowl of ice and a spatula.