Mafia 75: Freaks and bums

General IC Mafia
1

Player list

1 Jets–> alcoholic lynched
2 ordos234
3 Mrblonde
4 oldie
5 Melsfreefallin --> alcoholic killed by mob
6 thirdrock --> townie killed by Duffman
7 Goddess_of_the_Dead --> Body Inspector killed by mob
8 Nai --> Zatte René killed by mob
9 Tishxo
10 ZichtOpZee (ZoZ) -->townie lynched
11 Nolio --> townie killed by mob
12 PickleGym (Sunstorm)
13 Daylight
14 Genesis
15 You_fool–> townie killed by Duffman
16 warken (Soul)
17 TheBigOne --> Duffman lynched
18 Cxris -->townie lynched
19 Melvin --> townie lynched

Hosted by HydroP and TU.

This post is a general description of the theme and the roles. A more detailed technical version of this with all the specific rules will be posted soon. The night phase will begin at 23:00 GMT (11 PM GMT)

Roles backstories

Mafia
The mobs are the health freaks: Truly obsessed with a healthy lifestyle the health freaks stop at nothing to achieve their goals. They are a vegan, alcohol hating bunch of fitness freaks. They think of all the other people as scum of society, as a disease they need to get rid off. They want to cleanse the world and impose their healthy way of living on everybody.

The Godfather, Ripped Tony, is the smartest of the bunch, he knows the BBQ-club will try to find out who they are and stop them. He had the idea of wearing a fat suit rendering him immune to any Body Inspector’s investigations. Alas the rest of their budget is spent on their gym subscriptions, so that’s the only fat suit they have in only Ripped Tony’s size.

Alcoholics
The first alcoholic is Zatte René. He used to be a successful sales manager for a well known soda label but lost his job along the way. Prior to the age of 16 he drank nothing but soda.

It was in '53 that he was on a boat called the “Mar del Plata” just passing the equator in the former Republic of Congo. There was also a Doctor on board, Dr Lösch. He was the one to tell Zatte René to stay away from medication. Young René, confused by the Doctor’s words, asked: “What should I do then?” Dr Lösch making a drinking gesture : “Just take a good shot of booze”. And that’s what he did. From then on he drank a shot in the morning, beer in the afternoon, boozed all day, each day turning him into the alcoholic he is today.

He prefers to not booze alone so each night Zatte René will look for people to join his boozing lifestyle, forever corrupting them and turning them into alcoholics themselves.

BBQ club (Townies)
These guys and gals enjoy meat and beer like any normal human being. They like their booze but are still a functional part of society. Most of them have a beer gut but they’re happy with their way of life.

Their arch nemesis are the health freaks. They are constantly trying to boycot and sabotage their BBQ events. Once they even replaced all their bacon with fake banana peel bacon!! They are also not fond of the alcoholics because their alcohol abuse makes them look bad too when they’re out drinking at a BBQ.

Comic book guy (pro town roleblock):
Massive nerd, literally, and in love with fast food. Obviously he hates the health freaks who try to ban his precious fast food. Has the ability to block a person each night. By being so slow and so massive he will literally block a person, preventing them from doing any action.

Body Inspector (Cop)
The body inspector is a former con-man, he used his looks and outstanding social skills along with a vast toolbox of tricks to get pretty much whatever he wanted from anyone.

Today he uses his talent and skills for manipulating people into showing him their bodies. Each night he will go on the prowl to get someone to reveal their gut or six-pack. The Body inspector will therefor know if the target belongs to the BBQ club or the health freaks. He couldn’t miss his grilled meat for the life of him so his allegiance is with the BBQ-club

Duffman (protown SK)
He’s ripped but promotes boozing and he’s really fed up with the Health freaks trying to push their way of life on him or anyone else for that matter. He wants them gone so each night he will eliminate someone he suspects to be a health freak. However he isn’t particulary worried if he targets a fattie from the BBQ club either but in the end his allegiance is with the BBQ club.

He is the one wanting to bring balance to this madness. He enjoys boozing and a good steak from time to time but he also takes care of his body. Booze hard, workout hard, feel great is his motto.

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Roles and abilities

There are 3 factions competing: Town, Mafia and Alcoholics. If the game results in a 1 v 1 v 1, Alcoholics win. If the game results in equal Mafia and Alcoholics with no Town, Alcoholics win.

Alcoholics
1 Original alcoholic: Zatte René
Can recruit a player at night. May only recruit regular townies (BBQ-club members). If he recruits anyone else, it will fail. May not recruit more than 4 over the entire game. If an alcoholic dies he is still part of that quota. If the quota of 4 is reached the alcoholics can no longer do the recruiting action and thus also don’t get any information about whether or not the recruiting would have failed.

In case the orginal Alcoholic dies, the game mods will appoint another alcoholic (if any left) in charge of picking the recruiting target.

The alcoholics will not be informed about why their recruiting failed, if it did. They do not get to know if their target is Mafia or Town.

Zatte René cannot be killed night 1.

Town:
1 Pro town roleblock: Comic book guy
Can role block once per night. Can not role block the same person twice in a row.
Is immune to becoming an Alcoholic.

1 Town Cop: Body Inspector
Can investigate 1 person each night. Godfather and Alcoholics come back as regular town.
Is immune to becoming an Alcoholic.

1 Protown SK: Duffman
Once per night picks a target to kill. Duffman has to kill each night and thus is able to kill Town or Alcoholics as well. He is protown and wins with town.
Duffman is immune to becoming an Alcoholic.

11 Regular townies: BBQ-club members
No night actions, can only vote during lynching phase.

4 Mafia (Health freaks):
1 Godfather: Ripped Tony
Each night appoints one of his mafia members or himself to execute a night kill. A role block can only prevent someone from making a kill, not the appointing of a killer.
Ripped Tony is wearing a fat suit so he’s immune to the Cop’s (Body Inspector) investigation.
Ripped Tony CAN be killed at night. If he’s dead (day or night) the game mods will appoint another active mafia member in charge of appointing a killer.
Is immune to becoming an Alcoholic.

3 regular mobs:
Are immune to becoming Alcoholics.

Night time order of actions

Cop investigation (Body Inspector)
Roleblock (Comic book guy)
Alcoholics recruiting
Pro town SK (Duffman) kill
Mafia (Health freaks) kill

General rules

  • Day phase: 11:00 AM GMT to 11:00 PM GMT
    Night phase: 11:00 PM GMT to 11:00 AM GMT

    24 hour notation
    Day phase: 11:00 GMT to 23:00 GMT
    Night phase: 23:00 GMT to 11:00 GMT

  • Your objective is to eliminate all other factions.

  • Each day phase, every player must vote for whoever they think should be lynched; this person will die and no longer be a part of the game

  • In the event of a tie in the number of votes at the end of day phase, all players in with a tied vote will be lynched.

  • If at the end of a phase everyone is dead , the order of win will be like the night action order.

  • Do NOT post any screenshots whatsoever. Should this happen, you will be immediately removed from the game unless you get the approval of a game mod. Copy pasting is allowed except for the message sent you by the game moderators to tell you your role of course.

  • You may not miss two votings in a row; should this happen, you will be immediately removed from the game, and lynch will still commence based on voting.

  • The voting deadline is just that, a deadline. Day phase will finish at 22:59:59 GMT, this means that if you vote at 23:00:00 GMT or later your vote will be excluded. This is irrelevant of whether the game moderators have posted that voting is closed.

  • You are NOT allowed to make public the message sent you by the game moderators to tell you your role, either entirely or in part; should this happen you will be removed from the present game. You can share what your information means, but you cannot share exact text. Any trick that goes against the spirit of this rule will be treated as a violation of this rule.

  • During the lynching process do not edit or delete your vote. This is extremely annoying for the writers. Just vote again. Breaking this rule will result in getting the _IS_GAY suffix to your name.

  • Once you’re dead, you’re dead. Do not talk about the game to still active players, or post in the forum thread. This will be considered an act of influence upon the remaining players, and will get you banned from future games. We all like to have fun, and play by the rules, so please keep that in mind.

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Night 1

In the distance a faint sound emerged. It was too far away to tell what it was but thirdrock noticed it did have some heavy bass. He shrugged and continued his walk to the gay bar. He never had much success there but tonight he wanted to score. He even shaved his ass and put on his assless chaps underneath his clothes.

“Dudu dudu dudu dudu” The sound became louder and thirdrock could recognise it was a song. Intrigued but determined to get to the gay bar as fast as possible he ignored it and picked up the pace. He took several shortcuts but despite his best efforts the song kept becoming louder and louder. It was as if it was actually following him.

“OOOOHHH YEEAAAAHH” “OOOOOOH YEEEAAAHH” Thirdrock stopped in his tracks “Wait a minute, I know this song… it’s the ‘Oh yeah’ song!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jJkdRaa04g

Around the corner a bus with an open roof blasting the ‘Oh yeah’ song appeared. On top of it stood a man with sunglasses and a baseball cap wearing a red cape and a belt. On his belt he had Duff beer cans attached. “It’s Duffman!” thirdrock yelled out.

Duffman: “NOW, WHO WANTS TO PARTY???!?!?!?”
thirdrock: “erm, I was actually on my way to the g… to the gallery, the art gallery!”
Duffman: “Duffman finds that suspicious oh yeah!”
thirdrock: “What do you mean, why?”
Duffman: “Duffman may speak in the 3rd person but he isn’t born yesterday oh yeah!”
thirdrock: “That still doesn’t exp…”

Duffman interrupts thirdrock

Duffman: “Not wanting to party and your hesitation when you said you were going to the ‘g…allery’ oh yeah!”
Duffman: “Duffman thinks you were going to the gym oooooh yeah!” “Duffman thinks you’re a health freak OOOHHH YEEAAH!”
thirdrock: “What? No, not at all! I like burgers and beer it’s just that I was on my way to the … art gallery”
Duffman: “Duffman finds that hard to believe!”

Duffman had made up his mind and got behind the Duff Cannon which was mounted on top of the Duff bus. He aimed it at thirdrock.

Duffman: “Any last words, health freak?”
thirdrock: “I thought you said you wouldn’t use your powers to harm people???”
Duffman: “Duffman says a lot of things!”

Duffman activated the cannon and a massive high pressure jet of duff beer hit thirdrock who flew against the stone wall behind him breaking his skull in the process. Thirdrock’s brain splattered all over the place. The corset he was wearing to impress the men at the gay bar flew open by the sheer force and his beer gut sprung free from under his shirt.

Duffman: “Maybe Duffman should have checked for that first, oooh well!!”

A few hours earlier, Amok, one of the vegan alcohol hating health freaks was on his way to the gym. His body was massive after all these years of devoting his life to working out. And he intended to use his strenght to get rid of anyone who looked like they didn’t embrace the healthy lifestyle.

He didn’t get far until he noticed a potential target. He followed his target around until they were in a dark alley and no one was around and then… he saw some asbestos plates stacked against the wall. He freaked out, panicked that he might get cancer he fled the scene. I’ll make the world a better place another time then, he thought.

thirdrock, member of the BBQ-club (regular townie) was killed by Duffman (protown SK).
No mob kill occured.

Alcoholics count: 1

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Day 1:

thirdrock was missing from the weekend BBQ at ZoZ’s place. Everyone was frantic, trying to figure out what had happened and why he was missing. He never missed a BBQ! Shouts began to rise up from the group of fatties as they decided the muscle heads must have gotten him and tried forcing weights on him. His bone structure would never allow such a thing!

The group, rile up, charged out to the nearest gym looking for some meat heads to toss chicken wings at. As they arrived at the local Mass Gains Gym, they charged in, beer in 1 hand and wings in the other. To their shock, the gym was having a massive event and it was loaded with muscle bound freaks all just finished shoving steroids up their asses. The group of BBQ lovers quickly realized that they were in trouble. Cxris, not really taking the time to realize the threat, threw his wing at one of them, striking him in the face. All hell broke loose.

Wings, Beer, Weights, arms, legs and anything else you can think of began to be thrown as it turned into a wild melee. The fatties never stood a chance. Cxris was taken down by a 60kg barbell within the first 10 seconds, his head caved in. As the BBQ lovers realized their folly and made a mad dash for the door and safety, ZoZ was the last one to try and escape. He nearly made it too except his feet got caught up in resistance bands and he fell to the ground, snared. The meat heads stood over him laughing. They took the bands, dragged ZoZ out into the street and strung him up from a light pole. He was so heavy that as they pulled him off the ground, his neck snapped almost immediately. At least his fat gave him that mercy.

ZoZ and Cxris (both BBQ Lovers plain townies) have been lynched.

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Night 2

Zatte René was on his way to the liquor store when he suddenly noticed the smell of roasted meat. He decided to check it out and postpone his visit to the liquor store.

You see, after René lost his job as a succesful sales manager of a well known soda label he moved in with his mother again. But he was in constant argument with her over what to have for dinner. Today he only had a couple slices of ham, but he doesn’t call that food. “Food? You call that food? Where are my potatoes??” He wants his potatoes.

So Zatte René, hungry as fuck, followed the smell and stumbled upon one of the BBQ-club’s BBQ’s. He mingled with the crowd right away. He didn’t really stand out there, he was maybe a bit drunker than the average guy but nothing out of the ordinary. After stuffing his face and having a couple of beers he started talking to one of the members.

Arguing that beer is too light to really get shitfaced he convinced the BBQ-club member to join him to the liquor store and booze a bottle of whiskey together with him. And so it happened. Loving the hard hit of strong booze so much, the former BBQ-lover never went to a BBQ anymore, was always getting shitfaced turning into a full alcoholic.

##################################

After last night Duffman was down a bit. He didn’t want to kill someone from the BBQ-club, he wants to get rid of the health freaks and the alcoholics. After thinking hard he came up with a plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies! He organised a contest at Moe’s tavern to win a lifetime supply of Duff beer. “Surely this must lure in the alcoholics” he thought.

At the event Homer, Lenny and Carl showed up. Barney was in the back passed out on a toilet already. Duffman decided that whoever wins the contest must want it the most and must surely be an alcoholic. Besides, it was a drinking contest so alcoholics have an advantage.

Homer, Lenny and Carl boozed as if their life depended on it. Carl gave up first, puking on Moe’s face. Homer and Lenny were still going strong downing beer after beer. They got both really really drunk and didn’t even know what they were doing there anymore. Lenny was licking the balls on the pool table with the cue up his ass while Homer was riding Duffman’s leg, only pausing to take a sip of their beers.

After what seemed like an eternity to Duffman and Moe, Lenny tried to eat a pool ball and it got stuck in his throat. This prevented him from drinking so Homer came up as the winner on a technicality!

Duffman: “Duffman declares you the winner Homer, Congrats!”
Homer: “Wha… wahat you says??? ur mom is gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy”
Duffman: “sigh… let’s step into Duffman’s bus outside to hand over the lifetime supply of duff beer award. Oh Yeah!”

Duffman helped Homer into his bus and gave him a glass of pure methanol.

Duffman: “Here’s a glass of water to sober you up a bit. Oooh Yeaah!”

Homer swings the glass out of Duffman’s hand.

Homer: “Homer only wantses beeeeeer”
Duffman: “FFS You_Fool!”

Duffman takes a pillow case and fills it with Duff beer cans. He calmly walks over to Homer and starts pummeling him with it like an enraged babboon. Homer’s body falls on the floor and out his pocket falls a BBQ-club member card…

##################################

After his drinking session with the BBQ-club member who was already passed out on the floor Zatte René was out of booze once more. Longing for more he left his appartment again. He stumbled into a bar and sat himself down next to a younger feller named Paul. He got into a conversation with him and it didn’t take long before they started discussing his drinking habits.

Zatte René: “I am not addicted to booze… but I do need it”
Paul: “What is the difference?”
Zatte René: “Listen carefully… Paul, right?”

And René starting going off a tangent how in 1953 he was on a boat called the “Mar del plata” meeting Dr.Lösch and that he started drinking from then on, at the age of 16. He also mentioned that if you want to know the whole back story you should read his role description at the top of the thread. He showed Paul some old pictures from back in day he was still successful. Each picture came with a different story and he kept on rambling until Paul eventually interrupted him.

Paul: “I have the impression you’re living a bit in the past. Isn’t it better to focus more on the present?”
Zatte René: “The present? The present you say? What can one do in the damn present? Getting your ass nuked?”

René started making less and less sense and Paul had enough of playing with him. His plan to skip the gym for once and go to a bar in search of alcoholics had paid off. He put down his water and convinced René to leave the bar to get a bottle of something stronger.

Paul led René down to an abandoned factory, easily lifted a giant steel pipe off the ground and whacked René with it on the back of his head.

This story is dedicated to the real Zatte René. Rest in peace, good man.

A BBQ-club member (plain townie) was converted to an Alcoholic.

You_Fool (regular townie BBQ-club member) was killed by Duffman.

Nai(Zatte René) killed by a mob (health freak).

Alcoholics count: 1

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The BBQ club was not happy. Yet again there were more of their members missing and this time they thought they may have clued in on who it was doing the killing! Sure, he seemed friendly but he was just like the rest of those assholes always going to the gym and working out to look better than the rest of them. He actually thought he was better than them! Ok, yeah he had abs…but he still got tanked at every party and loaded up on pig!

They decided to set up a roadblock to stop Duffman in his bus and confront him on the killings he had done. The used some heavy machinery to do their work, they had brains, not brawn! So they placed a bunch of concrete barriers in the middle of the street that Duffman always took his bus out blaring his shitty music. 30 minutes passed and they could start hearing blaring music from a distance and realized he was coming. They grabbed their signs, shaming him for his killings and started waving them, shouting at the bus as it rounded the corner.

Duffman didn’t even seem to notice them! He just kept driving at high speeds directly at the barrier. The BBQ boys realized they were in trouble and scattered in all directions, hoping to avoid getting run over by Duffman who apparently was testing out a new auto-pilot mode in his bus and was on top of it, drinking beer and wind-surfing. The bus impacted the barrier at 70mph, the auto-pilot failing to recognize the danger and Duffman began flying rather than surfing.

He flew through the air and right through the local Mass Gains gym window. The glass did enough damage as it was, lacerating him all to hell. But the real damage was the glutes machine that he impacted, breaking nearly every bone in his body. Goddess walked up to him as he lay there on the floor and dropped a chicken wing in his mouth, causing him to choke.

“Thats for my lover, thirdrock, you bastard!” she said and walked away.

TBO (Duffman) has been lynched by town

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Night 3

Barney Gumble, the fallen BBQ-lover who got turned into an alcoholic by Zatte René (god bless his soul) was roaming through the streets after having been kicked out of Moe’s tavern. He stopped at a sign that said “Alcoholics Anonymous”. Oh boy, they must have some booze in there! He entered and saw people sitting on chairs in a circle and one guy just standing there like an idiot. On the side there was a table with coffee, water and a plate of cookies.

One of the people there was Hans Moleman, a 4ft 4, 140 lb mole-like elderly old man, a recovering alcoholic yet member of the BBQ-club. Moleman figured that as long as he was often reminded of what alcohol does to you he wouldn’t start drinking again. By seeing those BBQ fanatics get drunk each time and seeing the consequences he was reminded of the evils of booze frequently. And he got to eat ribs and burgers, it was a win-win for him.

Barney being very thirsty yelled “WHERE IS THE BEEER???”. “Sir, this is an AA meeting, please leave the room”. “Urrghh fine, you guys only have water and coffee anyways”

After puking all over the plate of cookies, Barney grabbed defenseless Moleman, put him on his shoulders and left the meeting. Barney being drunk all the time just forgot about Moleman being on top of him. Poor Moleman lived on top of Barney for days until he finally HAD to drink Barney’s beer leftovers just so he wouldn’t die from dehydration. From that day on he started drinking again.

The alcoholic recruited another alcoholic from the BBQ-club.

Alcoholic count: 2

The alcoholics can recruit one more townie maximum.

#######################################

Goddess the female Body Inspector was standing in line at the groceries store. She always scanned what people put in their cart and had the uncanny ability to derive what kind of person they were just from what they bought. This was a habit she still had from her hustler days.

The guy in front of her had brocolli, carrots, spinach, lots of chicken filet and some brown rice in his cart. No sign of alcohol or even something remotely unhealthy. Suspicious, she thought. Knowing this could very well be a health freak Goddess wanted to inspect his body.
She used her great looks and her social cunningness to successfully flirt with him and get his phone number and a date.

The date went well and they ended up at his place. She entered the house and saw a massive amount of bags and cans of protein shakes, the likes of which she had never seen. Bingo, she thought, but I need confirmation. She started making out with him to get things hot and heavy. In the spur of the moment, or at least it seemed that way, Goddess removed his shirt and started caressing his stomach area. She felt rock solid hard abs. She looked at them and it was at least an 8-pack! She knew enough and wanted to get out of there.

She made up the excuse that she forgot to feed her cats and went for the door. To her surprise it was locked. “Shit, he must have locked it when I went to the bathroom to freshen up”. “Not so fast Missy, we were right in the middle of something”. The health freak approached her and threw her on the couch. He jumped on top of her and now his true nature emerged. He put his hands around her throat and started chocking her. “You have nooo idea how much this turns me ooonn”. Goddess tried to yell “YOU SICK FUCK!” but barely any sound came out. Totally overpowered by the health freak she eventually passed out, asphyxiated.

Then the health freak had his way with her, turns out he wasn’t only a freak when it came to health. When he had his fun he went through her purse and saw a Body Inspector license. Well what do you know, I never even realised. Must be my lucky day.

Goddess (Body Inspector - town) killed by Mob (Health freak)

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He might have been a bit of a fatty, but he still felt like he could land all the pretty ladies. Every night he would hang out near the gym, trying to chat up all the women going home. He hoped that maybe someone would take pity on him and drag him home with them. So far no luck. Oh well, what was the worst thing that could happen? They would say no?

Lunch was just ending and he had eaten BBQ Pizza. There was still sauce on his chin and the corners of his mouth where he had nearly inhaled it. That tasted so damn good! The mall had a gym inside of it so he decided to go take a peek at the ladies doing their cycle classes and catch a glimpse of nicely toned gluts. He walked that way, trying to wipe off some sauce that had landed on his sweater and missing the glances of the other people as he went towards the gym.

Some BBQ lovers were glaring at Melvin. Yeah, he had obviously just eaten a pizza, but why would he be going to the gym? Only meatheads went to the gym! He must clearly be wearing a fat suit to try and fit in while eating on his cheat day before he went to work it off. Hell no, they were not going to put up with this. They followed along behind him at a casual pace until he neared the restroom. As Melvin was just about to pass the women’s bathroom, they tackled him into it and dragged him towards a stall. One of them kicked open the first stall and a woman, sitting on the toilet, shrieked. She jumped up, covering herself and bolted for the door.

Clearly the lady had been eating Pineapple pizza based on what was in the toilet. Oh well, it would have to do. They shoved Melvin’s head into the toilet and held him until he no longer struggled. Held him for just a little bit longer and then, as he slumped to the floor, began to feel around on his body for where the zipper to the fat suit was. Stunned, they realized that he was not wearing one. Oh well, he had no business going to the damn gym anyway! They booked it out of the bathroom.

Melvin (BBQ Lover) has been lynched

9

Night 4

Barney and Moleman, the alcoholics, were out of booze once again. This time they decided to crash a wedding party. Lots of free booze to score there. They put on their best clothes and left for the party.

Once there they marched in as if they belonged there. No one batted an eye. They passed by the bar to get their first drink and then they feasted on the dessert buffet. They got drink after drink after drink and started to get really drunk. Everybody just assumed they were the drunk uncles. The bride and groom were too busy with themselves to notice.

Barney and Moleman were the life of the otherwise rather boring party and the crowd actually liked them, despite suspecting one of them to have left a shit stain on the towels in the toilets. Later on, when most of the people had already gone home, they were sitting at a table with a young man. He thought they were massive drunks but they actually had interesting and funny stories to tell so he kept their company.

When going for their umpteenth drink the bartender said they didn’t have any booze anymore, they drank it all. So Barney and Moleman wanted to leave and they urged the young man to come with them so they could get a few bottles of vodka at a night shop. The young man declined their offer “No no, I don’t do that sort of thing, I don’t want to ruin my life, bye guys!”
Fine, Barney said, puked in the bride’s cleavage and left the premises with Moleman.

The alcoholics tried to recruit another Alcoholic but failed.

Alcoholic count: 2

######################

Nolio’s BBQ and beer gut was getting too big and his wife wanted him to do something about it so she bought him a subscription to the Massive Gains Gym for their wedding anniversary. Nolio didn’t really want to go, he’d rather sit at home drinking beer or having a BBQ. Nevertheless this was non negotiable for his wife and besides she already paid so can’t let that money go to waste.

So Nolio went and got into his favourite gym outfit:

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Once there he made a real fool out of himself. A fitness instructor came to help him out but Nolio, being a man with a big ego, didn’t want any of that.

Nolio: “No I’m fine, I got this.”
Instructor: “Erm… you’re not supposed to put that in your ass, Sir”
Nolio: “I knew that I knew that, honest mistake.”

The health freaks who were having leg day saw the whole thing. “I bet that’s one of those BBQ-club guys. It has to be, I mean he’s deepthroating the handle of the incline press. He doesn’t have a clue!”

The health freaks came over to Nolio and challenged him to a bench press contest. Nolio, while having no chance to win, let his ego speak and agreed. The health freaks lifted the 40kg and 50kg weights without even breaking a sweat. Nolio was able to lift it but it cost him every ounce of his strenght. They had enough of toying with him and put 150kg on the barbell. The health freaks lifted that but it cost them visible effort now. Nolio was pumping himself up DBZ style. When it was finally his turn, one of the health freaks offered to spot. Nolio lifted the weight from the placeholders but he simply couldn’t hold it and it fell on his throat. The health freak who was supposed to spot and prevent that from happening deliberately looked the other side to check out a hot fitness chick.

Nolio was choking but the health freaks laughed and walked away. Nolio died. No one saw anything, and all the health freaks backed eachother up. Police classified it as an accident.

Nolio (BBQ-club member regular townie) killed by mob (health freaks)

10

He stumbled around the bar from one person to the next. Yep, he was drunk again, as always! “I just want to kill someone for a change!” he grumbled at some old man noticeably trying to keep his distance. The man glared at him and moved to another table. Jets walked around looking for someone to just feel the pain he was going through on the inside. He wanted people to listen to him, to understand him and even follow him! Who cares that he made dumb decisions? He was Jets! He knew everything and dammit they should listen to him!

He walked over to a group of ladies and tried hitting on them, “I really want to become a serial killer ladies, any chance one of you would like to be my first “victim”?” He chuckled at his own joke but the girls began cussing at him and one even threw their drink in his face. He stumbled back, shocked at the outrage and backed into a very large man who was ever so clearly trying to eat some local wings. “Get off of me you drunk piece of shit! And stop bothering people or I am gonna have to clobber you!”

Jets smiled, always thinking that his charm would be the key to getting people to like him.

“Now you listen here good sir, I am Jets and I will tell you what we should do, and then we will do it.” He said,

The man, clearly not interested in whatever nonsense was coming out of his mouth, turned and said “I have heard of you, I didn’t think that it was true…but you clearly know how to go full Jets. Go away or I squash you!”

Jets was having none of it. This man would see his charm and he would follow him! Even become a drunk like him! He stepped towards the man, placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

He missed.

He kissed him on the lips.

Jets was immediately squashed.

Jets (Alcoholic) has been lynched

Alcoholic Count: 1

11

Night 5

With Barney out of the picture Moleman was on the lookout for a new drinking buddy. Alcoholic or not, drinking is always more fun with some company. Moleman stepped out on his front lawn and before he even knew it he got a football in his groin. He fell down and screamed in pain. Ha ha!

After he recovered and cursed at some kids, he got up and went to Moe’s tavern. He sat himself at the bar and started drinking. Moleman tried to casually talk to people here and there but either he got ignored or the conversation didn’t last past the pleasantries. He was never good at socialising and felt the situation was hopeless, he would never find a drinking buddy like this.

So he decided to try a radical new approach. He went up to everyone in the bar just asking plain out “Hey, can I recruit you as an alcoholic?”. To his surprise this approach had success.
“Oh wow are you serious? I’ve always wanted to be an alcoholic! I’ve always wanted to up my status from mere drunk and go to the next level. I’m in!”

Moleman (the alcoholic) managed to recruit a BBQ-club member (plain townie).

##########################

Amok, one of the health freaks, was getting tired of all this shit. The annoying alcoholics and the idiots of the BBQ-club needed to be gone once and for all. When they lynched Barney he saw Moleman hanging around with him, they were obviously friends. So Moleman was most likely also an alcoholic. He decided to hit him where he lives.

Amok arrived at Moleman’s place but he saw him stepping out the front door. Amok, not being prepared for this, acted in the moment and stole a football from some kid and threw it towards Moleman. It hit him right in the groin, while painful, this did not really injure Moleman. Amok wasn’t the brightest of the bunch.

He hid behind a bush and decided to follow Moleman and strike at the right time. Moleman got up and yelled at these damn kids to go play somewhere else. Amok followed Moleman to Moe’s tavern and decided to wait until he came out again, probably shitfaced, that surely would make it easier.

After a couple hours Moleman and his new buddy staggered out of the bar. Fortunately they both were drunk out of their asses. Amok upgraded his football for a bowlingball and threw it in the general direction of the alcoholics. The ball hit Moleman’s head and his brain splattered all over Moe’s tavern’s windows. Amok fled into the darkness of the night and left the only remaining alcoholic standing there confused.

Mob (health freaks) killed Moleman aka Melsfreefallin (Alcoholic)

Alcoholic count: 1

The alcoholics can’t recruit anymore.

12

They were ripped, buff and full of steroids. They charged into the back yard during one of the smallest and most pathetic BBQ events anyone has ever seen. Quickly they began tossing people around, breaking bones and smash skulls. Soul turned to run and face planted into MrBlondes chest. Massive chest! How did he even get that many muscles there? He looked down, oh…chicken legs. That makes sense.

Soul was picked up, flipped over and spiked head first into the ground. Ending any chance of continuing his alcoholic ways right then. The meatheads proceeded to wipe the floor with anyone not having run away yet and managed to catch a few more people trying to flee. Oldie and Ordos died very quickly. Tish put up a fight tho! She had tongs in 1 hand and was swinging an empty keg around with the other. Sadly, it was probably not a good idea as she spun out of control and fell headfirst into the bonfire they had setup for s’mores later. She screamed, rolling around in the burning embers as her clothes quickly caught fire from all of the grease and she slowly burnt to death.

Soul (alcoholic) has been lynched

Due to numbers favoring the Health Freaks, mob has won the game